So hi, just a little post in the middle of the night. *insert awkward shyness*
Who said only bad things happen after 2:30 AM?
So heck, here goes my little rant.
Lately, I’ve been feeling a little out of control. I needed some of my discipline and passion back, please, wherever you are.
First things first, why did I quit my job? I’ve been hearing a whole lot damn of people asking me this. They say “It’s the money”, “You have a good paying job”, “you need experience”, “blah blah” and a whole lot more. I don’t really hate it but I don’t really want to elaborate myself more. Sometimes, I just want bygones to be bygones, but that isn’t how things work out around here, do they?
I left work because I needed space, to think and enjoy. I don’t know if I’m in the brink of burnout but after a year’s worth of thesis, shoots, freelance projects and socialization, I think I deserve a month’s time for myself. Just a little time to keep in touch and answer to my little introvert self. I love what I do, but writers and artists alike experience a phenomenon called an artist’s block or writers block, even if they don’t want it, they have no choice but to just wait through it. Another concept that I can also be experiencing is Burnout - Noun; 1. The reduction of a fuel or substance to nothing through use or combustion; 2. Physical or mental collapse caused by overwork or stress; I can’t really explain but I think it’s both. I’m doing this because I love my job, and I want to be happy living with it.
Secondly, I want a time for myself. A little time for self-discovery wouldn’t be so bad. I would like to explore a bit more and train myself in areas that I will really love. And thinking right now, I think I want to pursue motion graphics. It’s really where everything I want to do meet, Graphics, 2D, a bit of 3D, motion, illustration and though I may not be good at it, motion graphics also requires a good deal of Sound Design. It is challenging but, I’ve always liked the adrenaline. I want to learn more, train more and build my portfolio. I want to improve and create my branding, I want to be painstakingly happy with what I’m doing. Happiness and satisfaction - this is all I need.
So, another issue is me losing control of my weight and eating habits. When I get all stressed out, I eat and eat, and eat. I’m starting to not care about my weight and how I look. I thought that maybe I was too happy with my boyfriend and I think it’s great that I don’t really look all so good. But I just realized that this isn’t it. It’s just that I lack control and I’m trying to blame other people for it. I need to regain my confidence. I need to take charge, and finish what I started.
Also, I think I’m losing touch with someone who was always there for me, and I need to take care of this person. I want him to be happy, but sometimes I just tend to be too selfish and immature.
Lastly, I think that I need to pray again. I’m in a midst of questions about my faith. I even think that I’m going agnostic. It’s not that I hate being a catholic but I know my faith is more than any institution. I just know that there is a God, who is with me and who loves me unconditionally. And I need to spread that love around me. And through my work, inspire others.
I need to think things through.
I need to discipline myself.
I need to work hard.
I need to enjoy myself.
I need to love.
I need to pray.